Satir workshops

We encountered many species of apologies, and the universality of emotions of their effects, and here we are working on growing a possible taxonomy of excuses and apologies.

It is up to you to judge your context and purpose and it is your own responsibility to choose wisely. Don’t come crying to us if you have picked and applied "the wrong one". We are too busy working on the effects of our own wrongly picked spells and have no time for yours. Sorry for that! Of course, we can always learn how to make a sincere apology and manage all apology risks congruently.

Have fun and joy!

The Sleepy Hedgehog (or porcupine)

This is a highly defensive apology. It doesn’t even seem to know what it is here for. "Sorry I did that, but I had to ...." People get quite confused after the "but". This is your basic sleepy double bind spell.

The Hedgehog (or porcupine) Wide Awake

This is not a highly defensive apology, even though it seems to be because of its resemblances to the Sleepy Hedgehog. This one comes beforehand, like “Sorry, but I am going to have to …” in an attempt to stop others from speaking up afterwards about actions that will follow the apology. Highly effective! In the Wide Awake version the harm you may inflict with your actions is distinctly greater than with the sleepy version, or even when acting without any apology. In short, this one is consciously intending harm.

Absent co-creator

This is not really an apology. It seems to be there, but it isn’t. It does something else entirely. Look, hear and feel closer: “I’m sorry your feelings are hurt.”

This apology actually promises that the behavior for which it apologizes, will happen again. Time to start counting and to leave at four. This apology expresses "merely" expressing not wanting to be held accountable for the effects of actions, and it even tries to make the perpetrator the victim.

Absent absent cocreator

This is a not only not really an apology (like the above), it is a non-non-apology. It often takes the form of a combination of absent cocreator with hidden blaming. This one seeks blood! (for the real bloodsucker, see the vampire below).

The absent absent cocreator goes something like this: first apply unfair powerplays and ignore requests when others wish to address these powerplays (yet make the avoidance not obvious, so a good tactic is keeping your schedule full and to be away as much as you can), then, when the energy on the other side lowers, add some spice to the powerplay mix: "I feel something standing between us. I feel a gap. Is that only my impression? I desire to fill my gap and wish to meet with you on such and such date ..."

This apology promises the behavior for which it apologizes, will happen again, and again, and again, and our victims can get lost, lost, lost ...

The Grudge

“I said I was sorry"

Meaning, I just clearly annulled my previously made apology. Revealing my apology was totally meaningless. What it does mean? Don't bug me with your petty sensitivities. How can you be so insensitive to bug me like that!

The Vampire

The most manipulative apology in existence today, “I hate myself for having done that to you. Can you still love me?”

Trainer/Coach

This apology is continuously made, with every little action. A person being trained by this apology will apologize for passing by, for reaching for something, for uttering a single word in a discussion, for existing really. I have a deep suspicion these people are being trained to undo feeling sorry. If you stay too long in the environment of people training themselves with this apology, the word sorry will quickly loose any meaning.

Negotiator

"I will apologize, if you will"

Sincerity

"Please, tell me how I have hurt you so I can learn from that and not be that insensitive or disrespectful again?" This little animal has excellent timing and can truly listen. It effectively helps others to release their pain and opens up space for learning together with love and respect.

And if and when you encounter more species,
make other distinctions,
have spotted interesting subspecies,
and would be willing to share those with us,
we would appreciate that very much.